Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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