friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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