He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
