Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
