You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
