I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
