i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
