Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
