i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
