Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
