Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
