Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
