I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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