i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
