U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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