Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As shirtless as possible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
