The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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