You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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