you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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