I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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