I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
