Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
