U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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