i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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