He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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