so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He shit in the fireplace
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