Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
