what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
