I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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