get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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