Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
