we have officially lost it.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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