Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
