with your own penis?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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