This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
