so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Less talking, more tequila
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
