I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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