you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
