know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
