i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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