I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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