the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
