just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
