ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
