she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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