ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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