'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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