I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
