New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
