you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
