Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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