I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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