Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
